


What You Didn’t Really Want To Know, Anyways

by JLSigman



Category: Final Fantasy X
Genre: Crack, F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-23 00:29:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18538600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JLSigman/pseuds/JLSigman
Summary: Prompt: Final Fantasy (any), marlboro: parthenogenesis - how do they reproduce, anyway?A/N:Originally posted March 6, 2008





	What You Didn’t Really Want To Know, Anyways

Two generations after the start of the Eternal Calm, the population had doubled and people started spilling out from the main cities of Luca and Bevelle and into the mostly empty lands of Mi’ihan and Calm. As ground was dug up for foundations, numerous artifacts kept the Sphere Hunters and Machine Faction hopping from one place to another. Centers of study were set up to examine, classify, and argue over the findings.

But some questions were not answered in the old spheres and written records. A new group, the Society of Seekers, sprang up to find out everything about anything any of them could think of. Restrictions on what could be looked for were non-existent until the day after a certain sphere was viewed (when it actually was left on the harried archivist’s desk only the Fayth knew, and they were not inclined to answer) by a horrified room of Seeker directors.

The opening moments showed a stunning panorama of the Calm Lands. The narrator, an unidentified male (all sphere’s were viewed with the makers kept (supposedly) anonymous, so they could be judged objectively), gave his position as being a day’s walk from the western edge of the continent, but was a bit vague on anything after that. This caused a discussion between two (self-called) experts on the Calm Lands on where he could be, which caused shouting when they couldn’t agree, which caused several moments of the sphere to be missed until calm was (mostly) restored.

When people were paying attention to the sphere again, the male voice had hushed to a whisper as the screen crawled across just above the ground. After a moment of this, one of the directors had to excuse herself in a hurry, having turned a rather interesting shade of pale green due to motion sickness made worse by her pregnancy.

“We will have to deduct points for poor editing,” the technical adviser murmured, making a mark on his sheet.

Finally the camera came to a stop at a rock, then a murmured question from a female voice started a whispered argument that couldn’t be quite made out, finally punctuated with a shrill “You’re the damn expert, you tell me if it’s safe to look!” that was followed with an almost panicked hushing sound..

The red-haired odd-eyed floral specialist from Besaid sighed. “Amateurs,” she muttered, which caused a flurry of hastily stifled chuckles.

When the camera finally peeked over the rock, the room gasped, and the pregnant lady turned pale again. Several hundred feet away were a pair of Marlboros, tentacles waving at each other. One was noticeably larger than the other, and the hushed male voice indicated it was the oldest and strongest Marlboro in the area. The smaller one’s tentacles were tipped with bright primary colors, and the narrator pointed out that he had seen similar markings on some Ochu around the Moonflow area during the spring season, but that no-one was sure what they might represent in the hierarchy of these animalistic plants.

The tentacle waving continued, and after another whispered off-screen argument, the camera slowly moved from behind the rock, changing the angle so the smaller Marlboro’s face was more visible. 

“What is he supposed to be showing us?” an arrogant Lucan man sneered.

“The Marlboros, tispycc,” an equally arrogant Al Behd man quipped back, and the ensuing scuffle caused more of the droning narrative to be missed.

“Why is camera on ground again?” the lone Ronso asked. When no-one could answer, he reached a massive paw across the table, plucked the sphere playback controller out of the hands of the technical director, and rewound the signal until it was back in the air.

Now the Marlboros tentacles were entwined, the larger one obviously subduing the smaller one, although the smaller one didn’t seem to be in any pain. The male narrative trailed off, and the female voice asked, “Where are the flowers?”

“Huh?” was the slow reply.

“I smell something… sweet…” her voice lowered to an almost husky note, and then the camera hit the ground. The next sound was a moan, and then a tearing sound, and then a button flew across the screen.

“Is that – “

“Are they – “

“Oh, Shiva, yes!”

The occupants of the room were silenced by that last outburst from the sphere. Then the woman from Besaid blurted out, “Pollen!” She turned as red as her hair as the Al Behd turned a rakish grin on her, but continued, “They’re plants, mostly, so they – they… pollen, plants use…” She finally gave up and covered her eyes. “This is how Marlboro’s reproduce.”

On the screen, the larger Marlboro turned an eye stalk towards the camera. It turned back to the smaller Marlboro, and the two gracefully moved together towards the screen. The sphere was smacked out of the way by one large tentacle, coming to rest behind the smaller beast. Before the pregnant lady could turn green from renewed motion sickness, the larger monster carefully picked up the coupling couple and lovingly fed them to his mate.

The pregnant lady fainted. Then the Lucan man screamed like a woman, and chaos erupted in the room. As people rushed out or around, the sphere played on. Unnoticed, a green-gloved hand entered the picture, very near to where the off button would be. “And that, as they say, is that.” With a click, the picture turned to static.


End file.
